After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize