I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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