im holly from the hills drunk
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
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