like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
