I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
