I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize