I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
this beer tastes like vomit already
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
