Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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