yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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