Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize