I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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