sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
