Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
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