That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I have feelings that need drinking.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
