You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
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