So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
