I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I'm sorry my penis didn't work
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Randomize
