I got chris browned last night
Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
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