So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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