I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
