I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
