I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize