Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
