Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Randomize
