Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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