Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Randomize
