I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Randomize
