i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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