i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
