I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
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