Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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