I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
