just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
