He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Randomize
