Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize