life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
