She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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