She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
