he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
