he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
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