I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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