if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Randomize
