Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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