I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Randomize
