I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
