I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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