Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
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