why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Randomize