Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
