You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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