get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
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