have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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