we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
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