Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
