Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
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