This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
