the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
