why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
