evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
