Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Randomize
