The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize
