I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
