I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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