You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Randomize
