Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I party with great urgency now.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize