Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize