I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
