She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
