talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
