The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
