so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
It's shark week go big or go home
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
