I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
