he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
