Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
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