i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
