Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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