we have officially lost it.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
We had to coat check the pizza.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize