I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Randomize
