glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
