Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Randomize
