Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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