i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
