Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
