I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
