In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
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