yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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