did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
