You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
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