You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
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