When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Randomize