Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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