i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize