So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
