I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
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