Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
