If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
