a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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