does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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